I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
