Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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