so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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