I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
