now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
