Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
