ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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