I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
