my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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