im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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