i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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