Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
