I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Shame is for Republicans.
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