There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
FUCK WHALES
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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