She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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