P.S. I can't hear my feet
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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