My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
