And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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