Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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