We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
