Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
