Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was confusing and full of hummus
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
