I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
