Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
