I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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