I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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