Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
