who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
