happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
