the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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