You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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