She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
