I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
