you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
