Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
