just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
