Where did you get a picture of my penis
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
