She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
