I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
