Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
