She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
