P.S. I can't hear my feet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
