We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
