Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
