I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
