Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
