I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
