Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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