Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
