Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
