omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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