so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
