we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We left the knife in your bed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
