You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish you could order shots online.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis