I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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