the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
