you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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