I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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