Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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