I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
