Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
not ubering you a puppy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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