I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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