i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
