My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
