..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
